i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
