You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
