omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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