and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
