youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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