one word: firstdatebathroomanal
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize