just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
