Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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