hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
