Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize