hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
