I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
