I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
