Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
