Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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