eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
