I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
