his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
