He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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