The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
