Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
