OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
