if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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