i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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