I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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