he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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