I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
