Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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