My pussy is not your playground.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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