I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
