Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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