He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
