we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
