i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
