I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
