i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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