Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
