but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
