she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
