yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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