i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
