Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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