I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
