You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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