I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize