she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
