I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
