I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
