you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
