guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
