ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's paint friendship bongs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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