I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
