Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
