The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
