i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
