i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
