im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize