He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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