butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
