i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
