dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
