Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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