I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
