woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
