I wanna bring you to show and tell
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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